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How to get family around you motivated

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How to get family around you motivated

Postby tamtbell » Mon Dec 04, 2017 6:57 pm

Hey there,
Its me, the person that is barely ever here. LOL So here's a question that I thought of this past weekend.
I pulled out our BOB's this weekend. Actually correct that, I pulled out my BOB and my sons. My husband, as usual does not have one. I have gotten him a couple things in the past and even provided him with a list in the past, but he just blows it off. I know the thought it "I'll never actually use the thing anyways" but I feel the same way about our car insurance yet I continue to pay on it.
The same goes for other things. I'm always in a "always learning, always picking up new skills" mode. Hubby is most definitely not. I've suggested a couple things he could do to learn, every day things however unless I'm leading the activity, nope won't get done. Therefore, its just not a priority.
Now this all being said, he does help when we have to put preps out in storage, he does help, actually does most of the feedings and waterings for the rabbits, and he has been active with the build projects that we worked on this summer. However any other project or skill he's more or less "thanks but no thanks".
This has included target practice. I'm not so great at firearms, he is. I've asked him to name a date and time on the weekend when weather is nice and we will go shooting. Have yet to do it. Same goes for hunting and fishing. I've told him I have assigned him as the person to find out what we need for everything, especially since he works with both hunters and fishermen (I work with two ladies, one of which is a girlie girl, the other is a 70 yr old woman from the lower 48 both of which have no interest in any of that). Still nothing on that front either.
How does one get their family member who do understand prepping, understand the need for it, but really do not want to actively participate. He's more than happy to volunteer me for projects but won't do any of the projects himself.

Thoughts?
For the moment we live in a day of peace, but it shall not ever be thus. Great trials lie ahead... and we must prepare ourselves temporally and spiritually.
~Bruce R. McConkie~
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Re: How to get family around you motivated

Postby DR1VENbyKNOWLEDGE » Mon Dec 04, 2017 9:36 pm

I'd love to offer constructive input here since its something I've had success with, but I dont think your situation the way you laid it out applies....It's going to be hard at least.

My wife didn't understand the need....That changed with what I showed to her and then she opened up a bit after a while but is still not 100%.(To my standards...lol...do we ever?)

If what I see is correct, I dont see anything changing(his outlook) without some personal loss to him that changes his mindset....



What I see from your OP....

You live in Alaska...That alone is a reason to prep.(Job loss potential/cost of living/climate)
He understands prepping...He understands there is a need for it....But still refuses to participate and puts it off on you???

I truly dont mean to sound crass or mean here but, you just described someone ignorant and/or lazy.....

Again, I dont mean to be insulting to your spouse but am I missing something possibly?

If not, I dont see a win there anywhere...You'd have to wear the pants in the family(Which is fine) but never expect help and understand the danger of someone in your group with that mindset after a SHTF event of any type....Dangerous....No matter the love for each other you have.

Denial of understood facts or a refusal to commit in the day(s) after an event resulting in delay of immediate action could get you/them killed.

If there is nothing you've left out this is one of those "It is what it is" situations and you choose to live with it and move forward even stronger picking up the workload of preps with your love for him knowing it will be all on you if it hits.

I think you already understand this and are posting out of frustration and care(Like I was at first, but I got lucky and my wife opened her eyes with our 1st born coming along) but I could be wrong...Did I miss something?


~D
In honor of RebNavy...RIP buddy. You made me smile. :)

Postby rebnavy1862 » Fri Apr 07, 2017 4:00 pm
Driven, are you sure you are from Kalifornia? You make a lot of sense.
Reb"Then call us Rebels if you will, we glory in the name, for bending under unjust laws and swearing faith to an unjust cause, we count as greater shame". Richmond Daily Dispatch May 12 1862
Semper Fi, Sic Semper Tyrannis, Remember The Alamo, and Aide'toi et Dieu T'aidera!
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Re: How to get family around you motivated

Postby angie_nrs » Mon Dec 04, 2017 11:12 pm

The only way I know of to motivate others is to make it fun for them or exchange something with them so that you are both happy. My DH is easy to motivate but we are interested in many of the same things so that also makes it easy.....plus, we're both pretty low maintenance folks. If I asked him to leave Saturday open b/c I have a plan....he'd trust me and go with it. If he did the same, I'd go with it too. It keeps things interesting. Of coarse, neither one of us would make the other do something they really hate without letting them know beforehand what it was. Maybe putting some intrigue in it will work for you?

The kid on the other hand.....oy! Teenagers are hard to motivate since many of them just want to play video games with their friends. Yup, my kid included. He has a job b/c he has to or "mean mom" won't let him live here and he goes to school for the same reason. He's got a few more months and he needs to find his own motivation. I'll help him with that......he's going to lose that roof over his head really soon if he doesn't figure out something more permanent. How's that for motivation?

So, I guess motivation comes from two places......a place of reward or a place of avoiding discomfort. For me, at least as far as preps are concerned, it comes from the latter. I love my life and I don't want it to change no matter what happens. I know that isn't reasonable, but it does help me plan for an uncertain future such as unemployment, illness, family death, severe storms, etc. For example, I don't like being cold so I have lots of sources of heat with fuel, warm clothes, blankets, wool socks, hot water bottles, insulated boots, hand warmers, etc. I guess my point is.....focus on what he really likes or what he really hates and remind him of what he has to gain or lose given a likely situation (storm, illness/injury). Then maybe use the technique to apply it to situations that may feel more obscure to him (war, EMP, earthquake).....even if it may not feel that way to you. Start small and hopefully things will snowball quickly. A sense of pride knowing you have some things covered sometimes serves as enough motivation to continue on to other things. Focus specifically on what you want to do next and figure out what you need from him to make it happen and then figure out how to get his cooperation. Maybe a solid plan with the steps all laid out will help him understand where you're coming from. He might realize that working as a team to accomplish a goal is pretty rewarding. :thumbup:
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Re: How to get family around you motivated

Postby farmer_dude48 » Tue Dec 05, 2017 8:53 am

Let me say first and foremost that I love my wife more than anything , but she is what I call a OMG prepper.. If she see's something on the news that bothers her then its OMG lets get this done..

I tried talking to some family members at the seasonal love fest that we call Thanksgiving and all I got in return was strange looks so I have to accepted the fact if its going to get done that I will have to be the one to do it...

That may be what your looking at
" Doing what I can with what I got " Mr. Burt Gummer
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Re: How to get family around you motivated

Postby Illini Warrior » Tue Dec 05, 2017 9:31 am

must be some censoring going on with this site with particular moderators - posted last nite and it disappeared ????????

being that you're in Alaska - and your husband isn't interested even enough to put together a BOB - you know the phrase "beating on a dead horse" or "leading a horse to water but can't make him drink" ....

he's not any different than the millions upon millions of American sheeple - this one will unfortunately be your quasi-deadweight burden to contend with ...
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Re: How to get family around you motivated

Postby dmwalsh568 » Tue Dec 05, 2017 10:29 am

I've tried gentle nudging, giving prepping gifts for Christmas, etc. At this point I'm just happy with family not actively working against me. I prepare the GHBs, the BOBs, lay in the supplies and cache them. I also print out directions on how to use most of the preps and leave a copy with those items. So I have a mini pamphlet with the baking supplies that shows how to make oral rehydration solution. I have a list of which antibiotics to treat certain fish diseases along with dosing instructions, stored in with the medical preps. 5 gallon buckets of food are labelled and inside each bucket are directions on how to cook the rice, lentils, whatever else is in there. Boxes of #10 cans are labelled on the outside edge and each can has the original wrapper with instructions for preparing the contents. The SunOven has its manual stored inside it. The Sterno camping stove has setup and use directions with it along with a case of Sterno cans. And I have a shelf in the living room with my main prepper library with cookbooks, medical books, etc.
So I'm resigned that I'll be doing the preparations, but I'm trying to document enough of it that if I can't share enough info before something happens to me, that my loved ones at least have a chance with what I've stashed away.
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Re: How to get family around you motivated

Postby DR1VENbyKNOWLEDGE » Tue Dec 05, 2017 10:43 am

dmwalsh568 wrote:I've tried gentle nudging, giving prepping gifts for Christmas, etc. At this point I'm just happy with family not actively working against me. I prepare the GHBs, the BOBs, lay in the supplies and cache them. I also print out directions on how to use most of the preps and leave a copy with those items. So I have a mini pamphlet with the baking supplies that shows how to make oral rehydration solution. I have a list of which antibiotics to treat certain fish diseases along with dosing instructions, stored in with the medical preps. 5 gallon buckets of food are labelled and inside each bucket are directions on how to cook the rice, lentils, whatever else is in there. Boxes of #10 cans are labelled on the outside edge and each can has the original wrapper with instructions for preparing the contents. The SunOven has its manual stored inside it. The Sterno camping stove has setup and use directions with it along with a case of Sterno cans. And I have a shelf in the living room with my main prepper library with cookbooks, medical books, etc.
So I'm resigned that I'll be doing the preparations, but I'm trying to document enough of it that if I can't share enough info before something happens to me, that my loved ones at least have a chance with what I've stashed away.



^^^^GREAT POST!^^^^

OP and my response got me thinking last night in passing about the "My wife not being 100% there" thing and all my med journals/fish meds/water filters and such....What would happen if I'm not there? No one knows how to use them and all my preps would be useless....

Instructions attached to each device!!!----H.U.G.E. ----I got to get busy. So simple yet I have overlooked this item and it will give me peace that I've done all I can.

APN strikes again!----THANK YOU O.P. and dmwalsh :thumbsup:

~D


.
In honor of RebNavy...RIP buddy. You made me smile. :)

Postby rebnavy1862 » Fri Apr 07, 2017 4:00 pm
Driven, are you sure you are from Kalifornia? You make a lot of sense.
Reb"Then call us Rebels if you will, we glory in the name, for bending under unjust laws and swearing faith to an unjust cause, we count as greater shame". Richmond Daily Dispatch May 12 1862
Semper Fi, Sic Semper Tyrannis, Remember The Alamo, and Aide'toi et Dieu T'aidera!
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Re: How to get family around you motivated

Postby Illini Warrior » Tue Dec 05, 2017 11:28 am

dmwalsh568 wrote:I've tried gentle nudging, giving prepping gifts for Christmas, etc. At this point I'm just happy with family not actively working against me. I prepare the GHBs, the BOBs, lay in the supplies and cache them. I also print out directions on how to use most of the preps and leave a copy with those items. So I have a mini pamphlet with the baking supplies that shows how to make oral rehydration solution. I have a list of which antibiotics to treat certain fish diseases along with dosing instructions, stored in with the medical preps. 5 gallon buckets of food are labelled and inside each bucket are directions on how to cook the rice, lentils, whatever else is in there. Boxes of #10 cans are labelled on the outside edge and each can has the original wrapper with instructions for preparing the contents. The SunOven has its manual stored inside it. The Sterno camping stove has setup and use directions with it along with a case of Sterno cans. And I have a shelf in the living room with my main prepper library with cookbooks, medical books, etc.
So I'm resigned that I'll be doing the preparations, but I'm trying to document enough of it that if I can't share enough info before something happens to me, that my loved ones at least have a chance with what I've stashed away.



there's lots of gifts that have their certain prepper usage - but not overt either - everyday kind of helpful usefulness - like a good folding knife or multi-tool .... can go to the bottom of the purse or into the glove compartment - all better than nothing kind of mentality ....
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Re: How to get family around you motivated

Postby dmwalsh568 » Tue Dec 05, 2017 11:42 am

One thing I forgot to mention - most of my directions are stored in ziplock style freezer bags to keep the moisture out. Obviously, I don't bother with that for 5 gallon buckets which are already waterproof, and the #10 cans are too big to bother with, but for the fish meds, oral rehydration solution, even the device manuals, I put the directions in a 1 gallon freezer bag and label the bag with a sharpie.
Sure, with laser printed directions this is probably overkill, but I used to have an inkjet and I'm worried that if the directions get soaked even the laser printed directions might become unreadable....and since I'm already planning for bad situations, I thought it would be prudent. (People I work with quickly learn to never ask me, what's the worst that can happen?) :evil:
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Re: How to get family around you motivated

Postby NJMike » Tue Dec 05, 2017 12:26 pm

I generally believe motivation comes from within in most cases, unless someone has a life changing event.

It's a rare thing to be so in tune with a partner that all your prepping priorities, goals, and dreams are aligned. People function on their own timetable and set of priorities. Prepping can require a fair bit of mental energy/focus/planning unless you're living it as a lifestyle or by environment. Even then, people have different ways of going about it, as seen on this or any forum for example.

One sometimes has to be willing to compromise when valuing a relationship, when other things aren't aligned. Sometimes that's forgiving the other person's habits. Often it requires overcompensating in areas of keeping a household. Perhaps it requires dragging them along. Occasionally you can manage to get on the same page. It doesn't always work. My marriage ultimately ended in divorce. We had other issues, however prepping was up there among the wedge issues.

I don't know folks here well, or their spouses. I'm going to pose several open ended questions to think about related to communication. No need to answer here, unless you feel it will be helpful in the discussion.

Is a spouse's past behavior/approach to prepping the same or different, more active or less active, or about the same? What about your behavior/approach? If there was a change, what stimulated it?

Is it possible your spouse feels they are being treated as a problem to fix, and resenting/resisting the change being solicited as a natural reaction?

Is there enough active listening being done? Seeking their opinion, such as getting their uninterrupted, without critique, version of what tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, 5 years from now looks like for them?

How is their call for your moderation on any perceived over-prepping received and/or addressed?
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Re: How to get family around you motivated

Postby NJMike » Tue Dec 05, 2017 12:38 pm

tamtbell wrote:This has included target practice. I'm not so great at firearms, he is. I've asked him to name a date and time on the weekend when weather is nice and we will go shooting. Have yet to do it. Same goes for hunting and fishing. I've told him I have assigned him as the person to find out what we need for everything, especially since he works with both hunters and fishermen (I work with two ladies, one of which is a girlie girl, the other is a 70 yr old woman from the lower 48 both of which have no interest in any of that). Still nothing on that front either


On this situation, you can decide if you want to move yourself forward by re-assigning yourself the lead role to satisfy your needs. Perhaps it means you go shooting by yourself, or that you seek out hunting or fishing with someone else. I don't know the size of your community. If hubby works with hunters and fishermen, what do their spouses do? Maybe they hunt and fish too, and you can choose to widen your circle of contacts and friends.
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Re: How to get family around you motivated

Postby tamtbell » Tue Dec 05, 2017 1:52 pm

DR1VENbyKNOWLEDGE wrote:I'd love to offer constructive input here since its something I've had success with, but I dont think your situation the way you laid it out applies....It's going to be hard at least.

My wife didn't understand the need....That changed with what I showed to her and then she opened up a bit after a while but is still not 100%.(To my standards...lol...do we ever?)

If what I see is correct, I dont see anything changing(his outlook) without some personal loss to him that changes his mindset....



What I see from your OP....

You live in Alaska...That alone is a reason to prep.(Job loss potential/cost of living/climate)
He understands prepping...He understands there is a need for it....But still refuses to participate and puts it off on you???

I truly dont mean to sound crass or mean here but, you just described someone ignorant and/or lazy.....

Again, I dont mean to be insulting to your spouse but am I missing something possibly?

If not, I dont see a win there anywhere...You'd have to wear the pants in the family(Which is fine) but never expect help and understand the danger of someone in your group with that mindset after a SHTF event of any type....Dangerous....No matter the love for each other you have.

Denial of understood facts or a refusal to commit in the day(s) after an event resulting in delay of immediate action could get you/them killed.

If there is nothing you've left out this is one of those "It is what it is" situations and you choose to live with it and move forward even stronger picking up the workload of preps with your love for him knowing it will be all on you if it hits.

I think you already understand this and are posting out of frustration and care(Like I was at first, but I got lucky and my wife opened her eyes with our 1st born coming along) but I could be wrong...Did I miss something?


~D

I was going to respond actually last night but it would have been on my kindle and I hate typing on that thing. LOL. Hubby actually does accept the idea that its good to prep, and he even (FINALLY because his boss talked to him about it) believes that there might be things looming on the horizon (NK is the big one they talk about). The financial side of prepping he's agreed about for a while. The idea that one should have skills that would be useful during any sort of collapse or even just job loss just seems to go above his head. Or I should say he will agree in a "yes that is a good idea dear" type of manner. I guess I post this mostly in frustration. I don't know how to get him moving. The talking to coworkers about hunting/fishing bit I think is just because he hates talking to people and he really hates looking like he doesn't know something. He was invited last year to go on a caribou hunt and lo and behold he put up an excuse that I believed until I found out it was false but now after the fact. Sure the meat would've been nice, but even better would've been the experience he would have had! How much he could've learned on that trip.
Now a days I bring more meat home from work than he does LOL. I trade non stop with people since I raise meat rabbits, we have honey bees, and I make jams and jellies. So I come home quite often with all sorts of yummy stuff. So far hubby has said "no one at his work is interested in meat rabbits, or honey, or jams, or jellies, etc etc." I think it's just he doesn't feel comfortable with any of that.
As for other skills, I don't exactly know why he doesn't start on learning something. If I ask, even gently, he becomes defensive and then announces I can never stop and relax. (not true, I sit down and watch tv all the time, just only when all the other work is done)
So there it all is.
For the moment we live in a day of peace, but it shall not ever be thus. Great trials lie ahead... and we must prepare ourselves temporally and spiritually.
~Bruce R. McConkie~
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Re: How to get family around you motivated

Postby tamtbell » Tue Dec 05, 2017 1:55 pm

angie_nrs wrote:The only way I know of to motivate others is to make it fun for them or exchange something with them so that you are both happy. My DH is easy to motivate but we are interested in many of the same things so that also makes it easy.....plus, we're both pretty low maintenance folks. If I asked him to leave Saturday open b/c I have a plan....he'd trust me and go with it. If he did the same, I'd go with it too. It keeps things interesting. Of coarse, neither one of us would make the other do something they really hate without letting them know beforehand what it was. Maybe putting some intrigue in it will work for you?

The kid on the other hand.....oy! Teenagers are hard to motivate since many of them just want to play video games with their friends. Yup, my kid included. He has a job b/c he has to or "mean mom" won't let him live here and he goes to school for the same reason. He's got a few more months and he needs to find his own motivation. I'll help him with that......he's going to lose that roof over his head really soon if he doesn't figure out something more permanent. How's that for motivation?

So, I guess motivation comes from two places......a place of reward or a place of avoiding discomfort. For me, at least as far as preps are concerned, it comes from the latter. I love my life and I don't want it to change no matter what happens. I know that isn't reasonable, but it does help me plan for an uncertain future such as unemployment, illness, family death, severe storms, etc. For example, I don't like being cold so I have lots of sources of heat with fuel, warm clothes, blankets, wool socks, hot water bottles, insulated boots, hand warmers, etc. I guess my point is.....focus on what he really likes or what he really hates and remind him of what he has to gain or lose given a likely situation (storm, illness/injury). Then maybe use the technique to apply it to situations that may feel more obscure to him (war, EMP, earthquake).....even if it may not feel that way to you. Start small and hopefully things will snowball quickly. A sense of pride knowing you have some things covered sometimes serves as enough motivation to continue on to other things. Focus specifically on what you want to do next and figure out what you need from him to make it happen and then figure out how to get his cooperation. Maybe a solid plan with the steps all laid out will help him understand where you're coming from. He might realize that working as a team to accomplish a goal is pretty rewarding. :thumbup:


Thankfully my son is pretty easy to get motivated! I don't know if hubby just believes that something could potentially go wrong, that the "what if" is actually there.
For the moment we live in a day of peace, but it shall not ever be thus. Great trials lie ahead... and we must prepare ourselves temporally and spiritually.
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Re: How to get family around you motivated

Postby tamtbell » Tue Dec 05, 2017 2:00 pm

Illini Warrior wrote:must be some censoring going on with this site with particular moderators - posted last nite and it disappeared ????????

being that you're in Alaska - and your husband isn't interested even enough to put together a BOB - you know the phrase "beating on a dead horse" or "leading a horse to water but can't make him drink" ....

he's not any different than the millions upon millions of American sheeple - this one will unfortunately be your quasi-deadweight burden to contend with ...


I actually just purchased him a brand new bag, and a couple of things to go in his BOB for Christmas. His excuse recently of why he didn't have a BOB or anything in it was "well I've had to use the backpack for other things and as for the stuff, I don't know where it went, I don't think I had much"
I'm waiting to see what happens AFTER Christmas ;) ;) Will the bag be repurposed into some other use along with the things inside of it? Or will he shrug, go "that's nice" and then put it into the closet without filling it with anything more?
dunno.
For the moment we live in a day of peace, but it shall not ever be thus. Great trials lie ahead... and we must prepare ourselves temporally and spiritually.
~Bruce R. McConkie~
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Re: How to get family around you motivated

Postby tamtbell » Tue Dec 05, 2017 2:05 pm

dmwalsh568 wrote:I've tried gentle nudging, giving prepping gifts for Christmas, etc. At this point I'm just happy with family not actively working against me. I prepare the GHBs, the BOBs, lay in the supplies and cache them. I also print out directions on how to use most of the preps and leave a copy with those items. So I have a mini pamphlet with the baking supplies that shows how to make oral rehydration solution. I have a list of which antibiotics to treat certain fish diseases along with dosing instructions, stored in with the medical preps. 5 gallon buckets of food are labelled and inside each bucket are directions on how to cook the rice, lentils, whatever else is in there. Boxes of #10 cans are labelled on the outside edge and each can has the original wrapper with instructions for preparing the contents. The SunOven has its manual stored inside it. The Sterno camping stove has setup and use directions with it along with a case of Sterno cans. And I have a shelf in the living room with my main prepper library with cookbooks, medical books, etc.
So I'm resigned that I'll be doing the preparations, but I'm trying to document enough of it that if I can't share enough info before something happens to me, that my loved ones at least have a chance with what I've stashed away.



This sounds just like me. :clap: (but my library is in my study along with my emergency binder) I can't tell you how many times hubbys GHB has exploded over his seats in his truck and now he's missing half of what he had in there. I keep telling him just bring it into work, put it under your desk, no one will know its there. Instead it stays in his truck on the backseat where sometimes it has things in it and other times everything is out and around the cab of his truck. sigh.
Maybe it's due to lack of organization??? LOL Drives me nuts.
For the moment we live in a day of peace, but it shall not ever be thus. Great trials lie ahead... and we must prepare ourselves temporally and spiritually.
~Bruce R. McConkie~
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